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Half-Ass

I look to my left and see a half-made bed.  I look to my right and see a pile of textbooks, homework assignments half-finished, all piled on top of a newspaper from two days ago that I never read.  I have a collection of DVDs that I started to burn, but never got around to finishing it.  And right in front of me, I have a blog that I just can’t seem to keep up with.

I’m kind of a half-ass kind of person.

If you ask me what I want in life, it would be to be great at one thing.  Sure, some people will tell me that I’m good at piano, physics, computers.  But being good always leaves something in me to be desired; there’s always someone around me that’s better than I am.  And even if I don’t see them off the bat, I know that I can find someone in ten seconds if I just take a look around.

The problem is, I’m not motivated enough by any one thing to actually make this work.  I have a fairly good attention span when it comes to these sorts of things.  I’m not studying physics because I’m incredibly interested in it.  I mean, sure—it’s an interesting subject and all, but I’m just as interested in a lot of other things.  I’m studying physics because it’s mildly interesting and I’m good at it.

I can’t see myself doing the same thing for the rest of my life, but at the same time, unless I do that, I don’t feel like I could become “great” at that one thing out there.  My secret desire is to be that kind of person that can just float around in life, working as a mechanic for a bit, going back to school to become a professor, and then opening up my own restaurant.

I know it’s easy to, from an outside glance, say, “Well then, if that’s what you want, do it.”  But for most people, if you stop and actually think about it for a second, you can realize just how daunting a task that can be, especially for someone as structured and rigid and sheltered as me.

I’m going skydiving in a few months.

And then I’m spending half a year in New Zealand.

I’m slowly getting there.

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